I am chosen, I am free
I am Living for eternity
Free now forever ~ Tim Hughes, "Holding Nothing Back"

We were singing this song in church today, and the lyrics resonated with some of the internal struggles I've been having in relation to interpersonal interactions. Without going into the gory details, one of the main questions I have had as I've grown with Christ is "What is my role in this situation?" More specifically, in cases where I feel that I've been wronged, slighted, put down, or otherwise a victim of the Pac NW's spectacular overuse of passive aggressiveness, what is my role as an ambassador of Christ? God acknowledges our feelings and wants to comfort us, but there is a danger of wallowing in that knowledge of his ultimate comfort.

So, recently I've found myself getting angry in situations where most people would get angry; cases of snide put downs, superiority-complexes showing up in inconvenient places. Just like any human, I don't particularly like being insulted, even if I can tell that the insults are coming out of deep seated insecurities and hurts that the other person is/has suffered.

I've been consciously struggling with this issue in particular for the past few weeks. "Why do I always have to be the bigger person?"

Hughes' lyrics are really an excellent reminder of (a) the beauty of God's work in my and others' lives and (b) a gentle rebuke of the self-centeredness that my struggle ultimately reveals. What a beautiful gift we have in Jesus, in God's love for us that is revealed in his continued presence in our lives and his continued work in our spirits! In the face of God's amazing love, who am I to complain about how he has helped get to the place where I can be the 'bigger' person, where He has given me insights into how personal hurt reveals itself in insults and jibes? We have such a wonderful responsibility to those around us because of God's love. And it shouldn't be a burden. It should feel like the light of God working its way through us and into the lives of others.

So thank you Tim Hughes. Thank you for using your talent in a way that reached me and I'm sure so many others.